Boundaries

What's on my mind this week . . .

“Our boundaries define our personal space – and we need to be sovereign there in order to be able to step into our full power and potential.” ~~Journalist, Jessica Moore

illustration of a swirling of objects - cell phone, laptop, desktop, book, laundry basket filled, to-do list

The holiday season has me pondering boundaries, a subject I often ponder and discuss with others. I didn’t learn healthy boundaries in my childhood home and perhaps that is why I still have the need to look at where I am when it comes to how clear my boundaries are. If some of what you read here sounds familiar, that is because I write about this subject several times a year. It helps to keep me on track with the dreams I have for my life and reminds me to revisit how I am using the precious moments given to me each day.

The boundaries I am thinking about are those I set for myself. It’s easy when I’m setting boundaries with others. It’s anything but easy, when I’m setting boundaries with myself. I am a woman in the process of healing from a lifetime of multi-tasking and I have an impulsive nature that often causes me to underestimate the staying power I need to complete everything on my plate. And it isn’t the size of the plate that matters. It’s everything I fill it with.

I realized this weekend that my phone is a device deliberately designed to encourage multi-tasking, and that ‘ah ha’ stopped me cold. It stays by my side, occasionally sparking to life. That flash of light draws my eye and the next thing I know, I am picking it up to read the latest text, notification or calendar reminder. It’s my modern-day siren, luring me away from the steady energy of FOCUS into swirling waters that keep me spinning in a whirlpool of endless distractions.

There’s something in me that doesn’t like to be so rigorous, to be self-disciplined when it comes to how I move through my day. And, while that energy of going with the flow has benefits, I have learned that, all too often, I use it as an excuse not to commit to a daily structure that suits the writing life I lead.

My child-self that is such an asset to my writer’s imagination is an impediment to the adult me that needs to stay focused on one project at a time. I have inside me an unending need to play. That is how my natural creativity was seen by my parents and schoolteachers. It was a spoken and unspoken rule that spending time on creativity was simply not valuable. What was valued was educational achievement and a steady career.

A childhood homework pattern of pushing right up to a deadline to get my required papers done followed me into the work world, and calls to me still. Putting things off until the last minute was a theme of sorts in my childhood household and I think my nervous system got set in that crisis response to what needed to be done, whether cleaning the living room or finishing homework.

The boundaries I am working on today form a dance between the free spirit and the harsh taskmaster - a back and forth between the willful, loving child and the critical parent. And most of the work involves sorting out which boundaries provide stability, structure, self-confidence and acceptance. And which ones will help me achieve my deep need for completion. I continue to affirm what truly matters to me and make what matters to me my daily priorities. It’s a one-day-at-a-time process.

I desire to live authentically while also staying aligned with the North Star that is my soul self. This amazing journey called life asks that I take consistent action towards those priorities once known, and focus is the super power that allows those actions to yield fruit. Each action is a unique expression of my embodiment of Divine Love and Light. So is each action of yours. And the Light that you, and I, create, is needed by all.

With love on this first day of the last month of 2025,

Cathleen